Some people are more assertive than others. It’s something in our personality! But just because being assertive doesn’t come naturally to you doesn’t mean you can’t be assertive.
For me, assertiveness does come somewhat easy because I have a leader, solution orientated, no time for bullshit-type of mindset. Let’s be honest, I can be quite bossy, strong-willed, and straightforward with people who exhibit self-learned helplessness or wait for a Fairy Godmother to bibbidibabbidiboo all their problems away and replace them with their dreams come true. I have a very strong bullshit radar, and I do not tolerate liars, manipulation, forcing, disrespect, disloyalty, pettiness, and victim mentality. I’m not going to play that game! I don’t want to waste my time, energy, or resources on people who aren’t good and honest people.
But it was first in my late-20s I actually began to practise assertiveness!
Assertiveness has always been inside of me, but because of domestic abuse and violence in the first 15 years of my life, growing up with a mother who is a narcissist with psychopathic traits, and heavy bullying in school, there wasn’t really much room for practice assertiveness… or that was at least what I thought. I could have stood up to the bullies in school, but my self-confidence was too low, and I lived in constant fear of not being good enough. I did everything I could to make sure that everyone liked me because I was afraid of the consequences if they didn’t. At home, I was way too afraid of my mother even to consider standing up to her. I did everything I could to protect my brother and sister, but I didn’t manage to protect myself from her abuse and violence. I was also afraid that if I did stand up for myself, she would kill me… literally! She had tried to kill me more times than I could count.
It was first when I was 15 that I managed to stand up to her AND get out of the house to never come back. I have only seen her a handful of times since then, and I have absolutely no interest in having a relationship with her! I’m not negotiating or trying to fix things with someone like that! I’m highly allergic to narcissists and can spot them miles away.
The Dark Nights of the Soul Changed Me…
I have survived a handful of Dark Nights of the Soul. The Dark Nights of the Soul is like a depression times 70. It’s so dangerous because it’s a person’s own fear, pain, and anxiety that gets so extreme that the person either dies or comes out on the other side transformed. I would never wish the Dark Nights of the Soul on anyone! Most people die during the Dark Nights of the Soul. It’s so dangerous!
I don’t know why I have survived so many Dark Nights of the Soul, but I also know it can easily turn into an obsession if I’m trying to find the answers. So, I let it be what it is.
The last Dark Nights of the Soul I had was extremely close to killing me! During my recovery, I had a Revelation. A part of that Revelation was to become Assertive and channel the Flame of Love inside of me. I had to become who I truly am and no longer let the fear of what others think of me get in the way.
… and here we are…
Lesson #1 – Stand Up for Yourself!
Assertiveness is a practice! It’s something we need to keep practising every day for the rest of our lives.
The best and easiest place to start is to stand up for yourself!
Lesson #2 – Take Control Back of Your Life and Time!
Lightworkers are here to help! Helping others is a life source for us because it’s a part of our Global Life Purpose… and we need to be working on our Life Purposes in order to feel fulfilled in life.
In other words, YOUR TRUE HAPPINESS DEPENDS ON YOUR ABILITY TO FULFIL ALL YOUR LIFE PURPOSES!
Lesson #3 – Say “No!” without Feeling Apologetic about it!
If there is one thing Lightworkers are guilty of, then it would be their hard time saying “No!” – even when they know that “No!” is the right answer!
Just as I recommend practising standing up for yourself every day, I also recommend that you practise saying “No!” and do it without explaining yourself or feeling apologetic about it. That’s the hard part, actually! Lightworkers have a huge conscience, and we don’t like to let anyone down.
Lesson #4 – Know When to Walk Away!
We can’t save everybody, nor should we…
The truth is people can only be saved if they truly want to be saved! You may see someone suffering from a terrible situation which indicates that they want to be saved. But more often than not, people won’t really do what is required to heal or help themselves or the situation… sometimes it’s like talking to a door. The problem is that those people have become so addicted to the fear, pain, and anxiety that they’re afraid of what will happen to them when it’s healed. They find some sort of safety in their misery because that’s what they know.
Lesson #5 – You Don’t Owe Anything to Anyone!
The only one you owe anything to is yourself! What you owe yourself is to make sure that you are doing everything in your power to have the very best life you possibly can get!
Assertiveness is one of your many Personal Life, and it’s not an easy one to master because there are so many obstacles on the path.
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