Some people are more assertive than others. It’s something in our personality! But just because being assertive doesn’t come naturally to you doesn’t mean you can’t be assertive.
For me, assertiveness does come somewhat easy because I have a leader, solution orientated, no time for bullshit-type of mindset. Let’s be honest, I can be quite bossy, strong-willed and straightforward with people who exhibit self-learned helplessness or waiting for a Fairy Godmother to bibbidibabbidiboo all their problems away and replace them with their dreams come true. I have a very strong bullshit radar, and I do not tolerate liars, manipulation, forcing, disrespect, disloyalty, pettiness, and victim-mentality. I’m not going to play that game! I don’t want to waste my time, energy, or resources on people who aren’t good and honest people.
But it was first in my late-20s I actually began to practise assertiveness!
Assertiveness has always been inside of me, but because of domestic abuse and violence in the first 15 years of my life and later bullying in school, there wasn’t really much room for practice assertiveness… or that was at least what I thought. I could have stood up to the bullies in school, but my self-confidence was too low, and I lived in constant fear of not being good enough. I did everything I could to make sure that everyone liked me because I was afraid of the consequences if they didn’t. At home, I was way too afraid of my mother even to consider standing up to her. I did everything I could to protect my brother and sister, but I didn’t manage to protect myself from her abuse and violence. I was also afraid that if I did stand up for myself, she would kill me… literally! She had tried to kill me more times than I could count.
It was first when I was 15 that I managed to stand up to her AND get out of the house to never come back. I have only seen her a handful of times since then, and I have absolutely no interest in having a relationship with her! She is a narcissist with psychopathic traits. I’m not negotiating or trying to fix things with someone like that! I’m highly allergic to narcissists and can spot them miles away.
The Dark Nights of the Soul Changed Me…
I have survived a handful of Dark Nights of the Soul. The Dark Nights of the Soul is like a depression times 70. It’s so dangerous because it’s a person’s own fear, pains, and anxiety that gets so extreme that the person either dies or comes out on the other side transformed. I would never wish the Dark Nights of the Soul on anyone! Most people die during the Dark Nights of the Soul. It’s so dangerous!
I don’t know why I have survived so many Dark Nights of the Soul, but I also know it can easily turn into an obsession if I’m trying to find the answers. So I let it be what it is.
The last Dark Nights of the Soul I had was extremely close to killing me! During my recovery, I had a Revelation. A part of that revelation was to become Assertive and channel the Flame of Love inside of me. I had to become who I truly am and no longer let the fear of what others think of me get in the way.
… and here we are…
Lesson #1 – Stand Up for Yourself!
Assertiveness is a practice! It’s something we need to keep practising every day for the rest of our lives.
The best and easiest place to start is to stand up for yourself!
You’re teaching others how to treat you by how you’re treating yourself and your ability to stand up for yourself. If you don’t have enough self-respect to stand up for yourself, there is a very little chance that others will respect you enough to respect your wills and wishes. If people don’t listen to you and overrule your wills and wishes, then it’s simply because they don’t have respect for you. They see you as their bitch whom they can push around at their pleasure. They’re using you to get what they want – you’re just a pawn in their game!
Many Lightworkers are under this “spell” and wearing blinkers because they don’t want to admit that others are using them.
As a Lightworker, you must learn to stand up for yourself and treat yourself with the same kind of respect you want others to treat you with. People will continue to treat you as a pushover until you learn that.
Lesson #2 – Take Control Back of Your Life and Time!
Lightworkers are here to help! Helping others is a life source for us because it’s a part of our Global Life Purpose… and we need to be working on our Life Purposes in order to feel fulfilled in life.
In other words, YOUR TRUE HAPPINESS DEPENDS ON YOUR ABILITY TO FULFIL ALL YOUR LIFE PURPOSES!
Since there always will be someone who needs your help, there will always be something or someone who will try to control you… there will always be someone who will tell you how to live your life…
However, no matter who they are or what it is that’s trying to control you and your time, they can only do so if you let them.
You ALWAYS have Free Will! It’s a Universal Law! – and NO ONE is powerful enough to overrule any Universal Law!
If you don’t feel you have a choice, it’s just an illusion your Fear-Based mind is showing you to keep you trapped in an unpleasant situation. It’s your own Fear that keeps you locked up in an invisible prison, where you believe you don’t have any Free Will. On top of that, all the people who want to control you or want you to do something are using your Fear against you by letting you know the consequences if you don’t do as they want. It’s a kind of emotional blackmail! Those who are doing this to you usually aren’t aware that they do it since this type of behaviour has been accepted for centuries… all because people were too afraid of standing up to the men they considered in power.
Assertiveness is not letting anyone or anything take away your power, control and Free Will in any matter! Is it easy? No, not in today’s world.
The world we’re living in today is a continuous manifestation of the Collective Energy Frequency, which, unfortunately, has been extremely low-vibe for millennia. Remember, your Energy Frequency is the sum of your most dominant thoughts and emotions. The Collective Energy Frequency is the sum of the entire world’s most dominant thoughts and emotions.
So, in a world where the most dominant thoughts and emotions are fear, pain and anxiety, you must rise above that and use assertiveness to take back control over your life, time, energy, and resources.
Lesson #3 – Say “No!” without Feeling Apologetic about it!
If there is one thing Lightworkers are guilty of, then it would be their hard time saying “No!” – even when they know that “No!” is the right answer!
Just as I recommend practising standing up for yourself every day, I also recommend that you practise saying “No!”, and do it without explaining yourself or feeling apologetic about it. That’s the hard part, actually! Lightworkers have a huge conscience, and we don’t like to let anyone down.
Lightworkers tell themselves that the reason it’s hard for them to say “No!” to someone is that they have a big heart, and it’s their purpose in life to always be at service. That’s another illusion. The real reason why it’s hard to say “No!” is because we are afraid of the consequences if we decline! Again is it our fears that control our decisions…
When you’re assertive, you don’t feel sorry about saying “No!” You definitely won’t feel any need to justify your decision. You listen to your own needs and wants and make your decisions based on keeping your Energy Frequency as high as possible. You set boundaries and make sure that those boundaries get respected… not only by others but yourself as well.
If something isn’t in alignment with my Life Purposes, Life Mission, Increasing my Energy Frequency or something I’m passionate about, it just isn’t gonna happen. It’s that simple! I can become very strong-minded if someone doesn’t respect me when I say “No!” and tries to force me to do something. The more someone tries to force me, pressure me, or manipulate me into doing something, the more I will bridle! It’s pretty much impossible for anyone to get me to do anything I don’t want to… and do you know what? It gives me more time to focus on my Light WORK, my passions, and the people I care about!
Lesson #4 – Know When to Walk Away!
We can’t save everybody, nor should we…
The truth is, people can only be saved if they truly want to be saved! You may see someone suffering from a terrible situation which indicates that they want to be saved. But more often than not, people won’t really do what is required to heal or help themselves or the situation… sometimes it’s like talking to a door. The problem is that those people have become so addicted to the fear, pain and anxiety that they’re afraid of what will happen to them when it’s healed. They find some sort of safety in their misery because that’s what they know.
You just can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped! Don’t let them flatter your Ego by making you believe that you’re their saviour and only you can end their suffering. It’s doing them a disservice because you’re feeding their self-learned helplessness, which is most likely part of why they ended up in a mess in the first place.
The same goes with relationships. If a relationship doesn’t make you happy anymore, or if you realise that the relationship is toxic, it’s time to end it. No excuses, no “but”s, and definitely no “if I’m just trying to be even sweeter/helpful/kinder/smarter/etc. then they might change….” You’re only making those excuses and explanations because you’re afraid of what would happen when you end the relationship. Trust people when they have shown you their real colours because that is the only time when they don’t lie to you!
So when it’s time to walk away from a person, relationship or situation?
- It no longer contributes to the fulfilment of your Life Purposes.
- It has outgrown its part of your Life Mission.
- You aren’t passionate about it.
- It doesn’t increase your Energy Frequency.
- Your gut feeling asks you to walk away.
- It makes you depressed, frustrated and/or stressed.
- It’s triggering your pain, fear and anxieties.
- It drains you of Energy and joie de vivre.
Lesson #5 – You Don’t Owe Anything to Anyone!
The only one you owe anything to is yourself! What you owe yourself is to make sure that you are doing everything in your power to have the very best life you possibly can get!
Assertiveness is one of your many Personal Life Purposes, and it’s not an easy one to master because there are so many obstacles on the path.
There are two types of assertiveness…
The fake assertiveness, where a person is a self-righteous jerk that belittles other people in order to come off more self-confident…
The genuine assertiveness, where self-confidence and self-esteem come from within. There is no need to try to be above anyone else. There is no need for competition. There is no need to bully or mock others.
I’m talking about genuine assertiveness. Assertiveness doesn’t have anything to do with what other people are thinking about you. Assertiveness is what you think about yourself, your self-respect, your boundaries, and your ability to maintain those boundaries when they’re tested.
For me, that’s really the essence of being assertive; have self-respect, set boundaries, and maintain those boundaries! Not by being a selfish jerk, but because you value and prioritise your own mental health & well-being, your happiness, your physical health, your time, your Life Purposes & Mission, your emotional health, your spiritual health, and your inner peace.
Now I want to hear from you:
How has your life improved after you became more assertive?
Let me know in the comments under this Insta Post.
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