Quitting a relationship is never an easy thing, but sometimes it’s necessary in order to stay sane and happy. The people we surround ourselves with will always have a huge influence on what we become and the quality of our lives. Sure, we are our own boss and we are responsible for everything we do, say and think – HOWEVER, we are influenced from everywhere… our family, friends, co-workers, and even the people we follow on social media!
Like, I’m fully aware that most of what I post on Insta in one shape or form will influence some of the people seeing it. That is why I make such a great effort in creating content that motivates and inspires my followers to bring more Light, Love and Magic into their lives.
However, where social media comes with a mute and block button, real life doesn’t! In real life, we need to take our big girl/boy pants on and deal with unhealthy relationships more head-on, than just clicking a button.
Reason #1 – They Show a Lack of Respect.
For me, respect is just as important as loyalty, trust, and support!
When a relationship becomes pointless, it’s because there is a lack of respect. Often the relationship has turned one-sided, and you are holding on to an illusion of what once was or what you wanted it to be.
Holding on to an illusion or a dream is super selfish and disrespectful to you and the other part. It’s forcing your will down in the throat of someone who isn’t on the same page about the relationship as you.
Respect also gets into the picture in the sense that holding on to a relationship, even though it has fulfilled its purpose or you’ve grown apart, is disrespectful to yourself, to the other person, and to the flow of the Universe.
Holding on to something that’s “dead” is an act of fear and distrust in what’s yet to come. That fear and distrust will block out new and better relationships from coming into your life.
Reason #2 – There Must Be a Balance Between Giving & Receiving.
The Universal Law of Giving & Receiving states that there must be an equal balance between what you give and what you receive.
If I have a relationship with someone where I feel I’m putting in more effort than the other person, or if I feel that I’m not prioritising putting in any effort myself, then I know it’s time to walk away.
We all only have 24 hours in our day, where 8 hours should be devoted to sleep, which leaves 16 hours back for work, free time, exercise, friends, family, hobbies, etc. If we can’t prioritise putting effort into a relationship, then it’s better to set each other free. Who knows, maybe you would find your ways back to each other when times are better.
Being in a one-sided relationship is also super frustrating and annoying.
It’s not worth it!
Reason #3 – They Are Energy Vampires.
Some pointless relationships become so because we are drained of Energy when we are engaging with the other person. We feel exhausted, annoyed, and disrespected because the other person doesn’t listen to what we say. It’s all about them and what they want, which leaves very little room for us.
A purposeful relationship should be equal for both, not where one is doing all the giving, and the other is only taking!
It’s pointless to stay in a relationship, where you know your needs never would be met! Lightworkers tend to stay too long in unhealthy relationships because we kind of hope our love and caring would help and heal the other person. We also don’t like to upset the people we care about.
It’s so important to remember, that other people are not our fix-up projects, and we are not supposed to be anyone’s white knight in shiny armour. No matter how much we want to help them, it’s not our job to fix their mess. We can guide and support, but it’s them who need to do the real work.
Some Energy Vampires don’t really want to heal their situation. They want the attention that follows when they whine about how awful everything is. They are pulling the victim card to get everyone to feel sorry for them and sympathise with them by helping them out.
I’ve had my fair share of Energy Vampires in my life, and I can smell them from miles away – and I’m soooooo over it. The second my Energy Vampire-radar starts to beep, I’m out as fast as I possibly can. There is absolutely no win with these people. None!
Reason #4 – I Don’t Want To Be An Option.
The last kind of pointless relationship I’m quitting is when I feel that I’m an option rather than a choice!
This is something I have struggled with my entire life – and something that really hurt me when I was a child. From preschool to 5th grade, I went to a school with a very strict anti-bullying policy. Just the tiniest indicator of bullying behaviour was the reason for expulsion. The anti-bullying policy in my old school and the deaf department in my kindergarten had turned out to be very essential foundation blocks of the woman I grew up to be. The responsibility to be aware of people with special needs and help them feel a sense of belonging is something I’m very grateful for being put into me already as a toddler. Because of the deaf department in my kindergarten, those of us with normal hearing were taught sign language so we could communicate with the deaf kids. It’s a matter of putting in that extra effort to help those who are challenged to be seen and heard. That said, I haven’t used sign language since kindergarten, so I can’t remember any of it anymore.
One thing I’m being told over and over is how easy it is to be around me and how easy it is to talk with me. People feel they can be themselves around me with all their quirks and nerdy-geek hobbies, and they won’t be judged. Quite the opposite!
I’m trying to make an effort in understanding and learn why the person is as the person is, and why the person is passionate about the thing the person is passionate about. I want to learn and I want to expand my horizons.
The downside of “being easy to be around and being easy to talk to” is I’m often left as an option rather than a choice. I don’t know if it’s because people feel it’s boring because I’m not challenging the relationship or have expectations of what they should do and say. Maybe it’s because I’m giving them the freedom to be exactly who they are, that makes it feel too safe to be in my company. “Sabrina will always be there… no reason to fight for her friendship! I can always count on her to be there!”
While I’m grateful people feel so safe around me, it still hurts me when they take me for granted like that.
I have confronted several people who did (and still do) pull this behaviour toward me, and they all tell me that they don’t know why they do this to me. They don’t really think about it, and they don’t have any hidden motives behind their actions. It’s just something that happens. When I was in school, it really annoyed me that my classmates couldn’t give me a straight answer, but as I grew older and have acknowledged this to be a pattern, I had come to terms with accepting that they really just don’t know.
As I said, my first school had a strict anti-bullying policy, so I wasn’t left out or anything like that… I just felt invisible unless I was the only one there! – the weird thing was they were always confiding me with very personal things.
That was why I was so confused as a child – why confide me with deep, personal and vulnerable things in one moment, and the next moment I’m pretty much invisible to you?
To be honest, I have given up trying to find an answer to that question… I don’t know if that question ever would be answered. I have just accepted that this is a pattern that still follows me in my life, and I don’t really know how to break it.
What I can do is to set a line for how much I will let this happen. When I feel that uncomfortable feeling of being invisible to someone, then I take notice and keep it in mind for the next time they confide in me.
As an adult, it’s a bit easier because I now can sign them as clients to maintain a line. But when it happens in my personal relationships were signing them as clients isn’t an option, like family members, I’m using the “Genie in the bottle” technique. I gain them three times of this behaviour and the fourth time, I’m walking away from the relationship.
I don’t want to be taken for granted and I don’t want to be an option. It’s that simple.
Now I want to hear from you…
When do you quit a pointless relationship?
Let me know in the comments under this Insta post 👇🏻
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